


Caught (A Series of Firsts)

by SiriuslyQueer



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anal Fingering, Boys In Love, Caught, Coming Out, Cuddling & Snuggling, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Sirius really just needs love, Smut, that's all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-26
Updated: 2020-05-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:07:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24381799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SiriuslyQueer/pseuds/SiriuslyQueer
Summary: If Sirius is honest, he's surprised they weren't caught sooner.Poor timing (and James's failure to knock) brings a look back at a series of firsts between Sirius and Remus, culminating in the exact words Sirius didn't know he needed so desperately to hear.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 17
Kudos: 468





	Caught (A Series of Firsts)

It’s the shriek that wakes them—high and traumatized, like James’s Aunt Ellery when she sees a gnome in the garden.

“Merlin’s fucking tatty trousers!”

_Oh. Bugger._

Even as he’s flailing to untangle himself from the covers wound around him, Sirius has to admit he’s a little surprised it hasn’t happened sooner.

***

The first time was an accident.

Two days after the September moon at the start of seventh year, and Remus was still dragging his feet up the corridors between classes, nodding off over his steak fries at dinner.

Madame Pomfrey’d mended two broken ribs that weekend. Sirius knew how much healing bones took out of Remus on top of the usual ordeal of cuts, bruises, and lost sleep that accompanied his Changes. He was the first to bed that night, of course, and Sirius assumed he’d be out the second he laid down.

He came upstairs after watching Peter beat James at chess (again) and flopped back across his bed. That’s when he heard it.

A groan. Bitten back but unmistakable. 

Sirius sat up. “Moons?”

No answer, but he wasn’t asleep.

When he slept he didn’t quite snore, but Sirius always heard his slow, nasal breathing one bed over. When had he started listening for it? Maybe years ago. 

Sirius raked his hair back from his face. Sometimes Remus didn’t want to be comforted. He hated people worrying over him, even though since they’d started doing whatever this was they were doing, Sirius had taken his face between his hands and near shouted at him that it wasn’t a burden if he _wanted_ this. It took the better part of six months (and two fights) for him to understand that sometimes Remus needed space even if it’s the last thing he wanted to give.

So he needed to go to bed. He’d sneak down to the kitchens in the morning and bring him up a cup of earl grey. Maybe some chocolate biscuits.

But then Remus let out the smallest muffled whimper and Sirius tossed his blankets off his legs.

When he parted Remus’s drapes he was on his back, head arched into the pillow. Eyes squeezed shut and biting his lip as he resettled his hips on the mattress.

“Re? You ok?” It was magnetic, how badly he wanted to take that last step toward the bed and wrap him up in a frankly embarrassing embrace. But instead Sirius whispered. Low enough that Remus could pretend not hear him if he wanted to.

He heard the whoosh of held breath let go and then a clenched-teethed “No.”

No holding out after that. Not with Remus hurting enough to admit it. Sirius slid under the covers beside him and kissed the curls off his forehead.

“Sore?”

“Mmhmm.” Remus didn’t open his eyes but tilted his head up to the brush of lips on his skin. “Can’t sleep.”

Sirius licked his lips, unsure how far to take this, what would help. He ran his fingers back through Remus’s damp curls. (He loved it when Remus played with his hair, so he figured it was worth a try.)

“What can I do?”

And maybe because he was exhausted or in pain or not thinking clearly, Remus curled into him, wincing, clutching an arm across his chest.

“Stay?” It lilted at the end like a question. Like he wasn’t sure it was allowed. Like Sirius could do anything but hug his shoulders and kiss his clammy temple.

He settled down onto the pillow, tucking his chin over Remus’s head. “As long as you want.”

Sirius woke with a jolt the next morning (and almost vibrated off the bed with jittery happiness because oh yeah, _he was in Remus’s bed_ ). He kissed his sleep-mussed hair and crept back to his own bed just before James stirred.

It was like a waterfall after that. Swimming against the current. Sirius trying to hold back, not let on that all he wanted was Remus in his arms. Every night. All the time. And he held out for a while, only slipping over to Remus’s bed a few times after he was sure Peter and James were asleep, and only for short bursts of snogging or just lying there until Remus drifted off and he snuck back to his own bed. Meager strokes that did nothing against the steady pull dragging him over the edge. 

He endured until Halloween week, when Remus undid him completely.

Sirius lugged himself back to the dorm from a last excruciating round of homework before the weekend. It was only Wednesday, but tomorrow night he had to sneak to Hogsmeade for supplies with James and Rosmerta, the barkeep’s daughter, who’d swiped a key to the Three Broomsticks storeroom from her mother their fifth year.

He’d hoped Remus might keep him company (he was in the library more often than not, anyway) but he never showed. Which was fine. Except they hadn’t found time to slink off by themselves in over a week, and as much as Sirius loved Halloween—the costumes and firewhiskey and general debauchery—the tower would be roiling with people all weekend and their chances of finding time alone would be slim.

He yanked on his pajamas and snatched open his hangings, ready to wank away his frustration and get some sleep.

He bit down on his knuckle to keep from yelping in surprise, but a few seconds’ inspection revealed the shape on his bed was only Remus. Remus in his plaid pajama bottoms and—based on the low-slung waistband exposing a trail of sandy hair—nothing else. Sirius felt himself stir in his pants. 

A book slid from Remus’s chest as he roused—he must have nodded off waiting—and the thought of him sneaking here, the sight of him stretched out long and lean _on his bed_ sent warmth pooling straight to Sirius’s groin.

“Hey,” he whispered, slipping in beside him and running a hand over Remus’s bare chest, lingering on the raised scar along his collar bone.

“Hey.” Remus smiled, his voice low and graveled as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes. “Sorry, I thought you’d be back earlier—”

But then Sirius was kissing him, couldn’t be _not_ kissing him another second. Long and languid and trailing light fingers over Remus’s skin, like they had all the time in the world. Remus arched up toward his touch, sighing into his mouth, and Sirius shivered because this gorgeous boy was here, in his bed and under his hands and finally, finally his. 

“Don’t ever apologize for waking up in my bed.”

Remus wound his fingers through the hair at the back of Sirius’s neck. “Mmm…if this is my reward, I’ll have to do it more often.”

And he tried to say, “Whenever you want,” but Remus pulled him into another bruising kiss, pressing their chests flush and running his hands hard down his back.

When they first got together, he’d assumed Remus would be shy about snogging. Like how he ducked his head in class sometimes even if he knew the answer. Of the two of them he’d been the least experienced at this sort of thing—before Sirius, he’d never even kissed a boy. But the first time Remus sucked his bottom lip between his teeth and grabbed his face in both hands, Sirius decided he’d have to send whatever girl taught him this a whole basket of chocolate frogs. 

Remus’s kisses were bold and desperate, his hands everywhere and always pulling some part of Sirius close. He was confident, sure of what he wanted. Like right then, tugging at the hem of Sirius’s t-shirt.

“Off.”

Sirius struggled to comply, getting hung up on his elbow, but then the fabric slipped up and off and Remus was on him, rolling them so that Sirius was on top. He felt Remus thick and hot against his hip through their thin pajamas and couldn’t help the soft moan that slipped out.

“Mmm,” Remus hummed, trailing his tongue up Sirius’s neck, making him arch even more. “That reminds me.”

He leaned away to the bedside table and Sirius huffed in protest until Remus returned with his wand.

“ _Muffliato_.” He tossed it aside on the bed and grabbed Sirius by the neck with both hands. “Who knows what other noises you might make tonight?”

It wasn’t like this the end of sixth year. It’d all been so new, and they were both so nervous—Remus just had one short-lived girlfriend before this, and Sirius only fleeting conquests. Mod muggle boys in the London clubs and bursts of passion like firewhiskey, temporary, empty rushes.

Not to mention that neither had been willing to risk their friendship with James and Peter over whatever-this-was-that-might-well-go-down-in-flames. It’d been easier to stick to chaste, stolen kisses when fear of getting caught outweighed their desperation to be tangled up in each other.

Then they only saw each other a handful of times over the summer, and always with James annoyingly present.

They’d made up for lost time since the start of term with two months of frankly debaucherous snogging, but so far it hadn’t gone further than a little groping and trails of hickeys peppered up Sirius’s neck.

 _But that might be about to change._ Sirius ground his hips down into Remus’s at the thought.

The sound that slipped out of Remus was well worth it. He grabbed Sirius’s arse with both hands, urging him down again.

Sirius smirked, leaning to nip Remus’s neck with his teeth.

“And I’m the one who needs a silencing charm, hmm?”

Remus didn’t reply except to thrust his hips upward. Their cocks brushed together through thin flannel and Sirius gasped. He was achingly hard, and he could tell Remus was too. They humped into each other again and again, until Sirius could barely breathe from how badly he wanted more of him. All of him.

“Can I?” he asked, brushing his fingers along the waistband of Remus’s pajama bottoms. Remus stared up at him for a second, panting. His eyes were enormous, pupils blown in the dim light, lips swollen and curls mussed from snogging.

Merlin this beautiful, beautiful boy.

Remus swallowed hard and nodded.

Sirius sat back and Remus lifted his hips, letting Sirius slide his bottoms down and off, and for a moment all Sirius could do was stare. Remus didn’t change in front of them, and even with all the snogging they’d gotten up to Sirius had never seen him completely naked. His scars were there, of course, but Sirius barely noticed them. How could he when Remus was all long sinuous thighs and slender hips, his dick bigger than Sirius assumed it would be, thick and leaking against his stomach. Sirius had to cup himself with a firm hand to keep from spilling into his pajamas because _fuck_. (Was he picking up muggle cursing from Remus too? Shit.)

Remus propped himself on his elbows, biting his lip. Sirius watched the self-consciousness creeping into him like a poison, and knew he had to do something. He wanted Remus to feel nothing but good about this.

So he did the first thing that came to mind, the thing he hadn’t realized he’d wanted to do for months, and bent down to lick a long, broad strip up Remus’s length.

Remus collapsed back onto the bed with a gasp, his hips jerking. And Sirius was kissing his thighs and nosing his honey-colored bush, breathing in the sweet musk of him, running his hands up to Remus’s ribs and back down to grip his hips. He didn’t know how much of Remus he’d be able to fit in his mouth, but he was practically salivating to try.

He licked at his slit, lapping up the salty pre-cum before swirling his tongue around the head. Slow drags up and down, taking more of him each time.

Gorgeous was the only word he could think of, the way Remus started coming apart. He clutched the sheets in his fists, writhing and biting his lip. 

Sirius picked up speed, pumping what he couldn’t fit of Remus into his mouth with his hand. Wanting to make him scream. Wanting to feel him bucking into his throat. He thought he was getting close when Remus sat up, pulling away from him.

“Fuck—stop, _stop_ —"

Panic flooded him. “What’s wrong? Did I—”

“No, no,” Remus panted, shaking his head. He rubbed a hand up and down Sirius’s arm. “No, that was— _fuck_.” And he was grinning, wide and uninhibited, and Sirius’s heart unclenched. He wanted to snog him senseless.

“That was brilliant. It’s just…I want…” He tugged at Sirius’s waistband, biting his lip again. Only this time it was playful and thrilling and Sirius didn’t hesitate to yank his pants down and off, his whole body alight with tingling anticipation.

He’d barely tossed them aside when Remus rolled on top of him, pinning him to the mattress. He slotted one of his thighs between Sirius’s, thrusting his tongue into his mouth and running a palm down his side. And Sirius had to close his eyes for a second and just _feel_ because Remus’s chest. His thighs. His cock, heavy and hot and sliding against his own.

“I want _this_ ,” Remus purred into his mouth, thrusting his hips and making Sirius whine. “I want to feel all of you.”

And Sirius couldn’t say anything to that, couldn’t do anything but grip Remus’s ass and grind up to meet him.

They started off slow, but soon they were rutting against each other hard and urgent, Remus’s fingers digging into his shoulders. Sirius couldn’t help the noises punching out of him. (Remus was right. Thank Merlin for silencing charms.)

Was this sex? It wasn’t penetration, but it felt like something important. Definitely more than blowjobs with strangers in the alley behind muggle pubs.

It was Remus. His shy, reserved boy laid bare, hungry and wanton as he bucked into Sirius’s hips.

“Fuck, Sirius—” Remus hadn’t made much noise so far, and the sound of him moaning his name was almost too much.

Sirius snaked a hand between them, gripping both of their dicks as they slid together, and Remus’s breath hitched. He bit Sirius’s shoulder, fucking hard down into his hand. Sirius groaned into the crook of his neck, his other hand splayed across Remus’s back. Nothing had ever been as good as the hot, sticky friction between them.

“I’m—I’m going to—,” Remus gasped, eyes squeezed shut. 

Sirius gripped him tighter. “Cum for me, love.”

“Sirius, fuck _Sirius_ —” Remus went rigid on top of him, his full weight pinning him down. A thing of beauty, the way his back arched and his mouth fell open, letting out these broken little moans as his warmth slicked their stomachs.

How had he made it months before knowing that glorious sound? 

And Sirius was close, so close, and then he was clutching Remus to him, almost shouting the strength of his release.

They laid there wrapped in each other for who knew how long, breathless in the musky air.

It was late. It’d been late when they started. They needed to get cleaned up. They couldn’t fall asleep here. Remus needed to get back to his bed. But despite his brain’s logical protests Sirius couldn’t make himself move.

Remus’s nose nuzzled into the soft skin behind his ear and he turned his head. Remus’s eyes danced inches from his in the darkness, a hesitant smile teasing at the corners of his mouth.

“Hi.”

Sirius grinned, shifting a little so Remus could rest his head on his chest. “Hi.”

Remus tucked a stray lock hair back behind Sirius’s ear, watching his hand in wonder like he couldn’t believe he got to be here, doing this, and Sirius couldn’t help but kiss him. 

“Moons, that was…” But he had no words adequate to describe the mind-bending pleasure whose aftershocks still hummed through him.

“Mm hmm,” Remus agreed, snuggling closer. Sirius groped for his wand and lazily muttered a cleaning spell before tossing it aside again.

They laid there quiet, breathing each other in, but then something shifted. He felt it in the way Remus’s shoulders tensed beneath his fingers, the arm across his waist clutching him tighter.

“What is it?” he asked, trying to pull back enough to see his face.

Remus curled further into his chest.

Sirius shook him a little. “Come on, you can tell me.”

Then Remus’s eyes flicked up to his, huge and unsure, and Sirius barely restrained himself from kissing away the worried line between his brows.

“I know we agreed it’s too big of a risk,” Remus said. “I’d die if one of them saw us, and I know you’re not ready either. And maybe it’s too soon to start this sort of thing, anyway. I don’t want to put too much pressure on this too fast, but—”

Sirius kissed him, long and slow and sweet.

Remus was a worrier. It was just his nature, always had been. But Sirius didn’t want him to worry when it came to them, to _this_. He wanted to be something Remus could feel good about.

“But?” he smiled into Remus’s mouth once he felt the tension melting from the arms around him.

A pause. Then the softest whisper against his lips.

“Can I stay?”

Sirius looked into his eyes, carding a hand back through his tangled curls. Nerves buzzed like magic under his skin, but he didn’t hesitate.

“Always, love. You don’t have to ask.”

The slide was slow but steady after that. A couple nights here and there, then a few more, until it dawned on Sirius that they’d woken up in each other’s beds every single morning for weeks leading up to the Christmas holiday.

He hadn’t realized until that first night alone at the Potter’s, where he felt the absence of Remus’s weight next to him like a bruise.

The only way he managed to get any sleep through Christmas week was snuggling with a jumper he’d nicked from Remus’s truck while they were all packing. (He hid it back in the bottom of his own trunk first thing every morning—Prongs would know who’s it was immediately if he saw it. Not to mention that he might actually combust from embarrassment if Mrs. Potter found it and asked why there was another boy’s jumper in his laundry.)

Doubting he could make it another whole week without giving in and actually wearing Remus’s jumper around the house, Sirius dropped hints to James for two days straight that they were both going to die of boredom alone in Godric’s Hollow for New Years, and wouldn’t it be so much better if Peter and Remus were there? Peter’s parents said no, they would be visiting family in Surry, but the Lupins replied with a delightful message promising to send Remus along by floo the next day. 

Which all meant that by New Year’s Eve, Sirius was a jittery mess. He couldn’t stop straightening up his room and checking that they had enough gingerbread (Remus’s favorite) still left in the pantry.

Even Mrs. Potter noticed.

“I’m so glad Remus is coming to stay,” she said, flicking her wand at the cutting board, where a knife jumped to attention and started cubing potatoes. “We haven’t had him for a proper visit in ages.” She was talking to them both, but Sirius could feel her watching him.

“What time do you expect he’ll be along?” Another flick of her wand and the saltshaker sailed up to her hand. She turned to the chicken on the counter with a smile entirely too much like James’s teasing her lips.

“He said around four,” James called from the sitting room without looking up from his new copy of _Drills and Dives: Train with the Falcons_ , socked feet just visible over the arm of the couch. “Should be anytime.”

“You boys made up the cot for him?”

“Yes, mum.” James drew out the words, like he’d already answered fifteen times.

Sirius’s neck flushed, and he picked up an apple from the bowl on the counter just to have something to do with his hands. It’d taken something like six increasingly elaborate arguments to convince James to set up Remus’s cot in his room even though James’s room was bigger. He suspected James gave in because he wanted Sirius to stop acting odd more than anything.

“Sirius dear, is everything—” Mrs. Potter began before a sizzling burst of green flames lit the grate and a slightly sooty Remus Lupin ducked out of the kitchen fireplace.

Sirius set the apple back in the bowl, his chest swelling feather light. He closed the distance to the hearth in two strides, taking Remus’s bag and pulling him into a quick back-slapping hug.

“Good holiday?” he asked.

Dropping his hand to his side instead of twining their fingers together took physical effort. He could tell from the hungry burn in his amber eyes that Remus felt it too. For some reason it was harder to pretend they were just mates here, in the Potter’s kitchen, even though they did it every day at school.

He didn’t realize until he noticed Mrs. Potter watching him that he was grinning like an idiot. He schooled his features to what he hoped was a more pleasantly platonic expression, but then while Remus greeted Mrs. Potter with a hug of her own he noticed the smudge of soot across his cheek bone and had to turn all his concentration to not reaching out and stroking it with the pad of his thumb.

“Moony,” James said, crossing into the kitchen to clap Remus in another hug. “Now we can get into some proper trouble.”

“Pardon?” Mrs. Potter called behind them.

“Only joking mum,” he assured her over his shoulder with a grin as they retreated through the sitting room.

“You can drop you’re stuff in Sirius’s room.” James flopped back onto the couch, and Remus raised an eyebrow at Sirius behind his back. “There’s a house on the edge of the town center everyone’s saying is haunted, but I think it’s just the muggles bored and looking for something to spook their kids, or maybe a boggart. We were thinking we could check it out later, in case it’s actually something interesting. Then the pub tonight with mum and dad of course.”

“Room looks good,” Remus said, dropping his bag as he leaned to inspect the handful of books lining the shelf by the window. Sirius realized he hadn’t seen it since just after he left home, back when the walls were blank white and Sirius had stared straight ahead, unblinking, while James paced the room and Remus sat beside him and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. Back when all Sirius had were glances and forbidden fantasies of long legs and sandy hair, oblivious that Remus was stealing aching glimpses right back.

“Thanks,” Sirius said, grabbing his hand and tugging him back up into a slow, deep kiss.

Remus sighed into it, running his hands down Sirius’s back to settle at his waist.

“James’ll be up soon,” he whispered into Sirius’s lips, which only made Sirius kiss him harder.

Remus hummed and kissed him back. “Mmm…I missed you.”

Sirius smirked. “You have no idea love.”

He plunged his tongue back into Remus’s mouth, reaching one hand up to tangle in his curls while the other slid between his legs to cup his already stiffening bulge through his trousers. Now that Remus was here, Sirius didn’t know how he’d gone so long without his voice in his ear, his breath on his skin, those lips around his—

The jiggle of the creaky doorknob gave them just enough warning to jump apart. Remus sat down hard on his cot, running a hand hard over his reddening cheeks. Sirius flopped onto his own bed and rolled onto his stomach to hide what was fast becoming an obvious erection as the door swung open.

“You all settled then?” James said.

Remus cleared his throat. “Yep, almost finished.” He met Sirius’s eyes and glanced pointedly at his crotch, but James didn’t catch it. Sirius swallowed against the heat creeping up his neck.

He may have miscalculated. How was he supposed to make it through the entire afternoon and evening with Remus right there and not be able to touch him? This boy was going to be the death of him.

***

In retrospect, it’s a miracle they weren’t caught sooner.

“What?—How?—Are you—?” James clutches at his hair, his eyes darting back and forth between them like he can’t decide who to interrogate.

“Prongs.” Sirius meant to sound decisive, to take command of this disaster, but he’s slurring and still fuzzy with sleep and it comes out more like a question than anything.

Remus jerks like he’s waking from a nightmare. He sits up on his elbows and scoots closer to Sirius. Automatic, like he didn’t even quite realize what he was doing.

“Yep, it’s me,” James says, pacing on the spot. “Just hanging out, catching my two best friends cuddled in bed together _in my parents’ house_. You know, the usual stuff.” His voice hitches higher with each word.

Sirius sits up, raking his hair back from his eyes.

“Look mate, it’s not what—”

“Mother of Morgana, are you _naked_?”

Sirius hitches the covers higher around his waist. His heart thumps in his throat. This is not how he was supposed to find out.

He’d wanted to tell him. Kept meaning to for over a month now.

He and Remus had talked about it. He wanted to tell James himself first. Come out on his own to his best friend—James had earned that much. But every time they’d ended up alone the words clogged in his throat.

He doesn’t even know why—he’s never thought James would hate him for being gay. (The Potters are pretty progressive as wizard families go, and even if they weren’t, James wouldn’t turn his back on him.)

But once _it_ was out there, he couldn’t take it back. He’d never be just James’s best mate again—he’d be his _queer_ mate, and some part of him wanted things to stay easy, the way they’d always been, for a little longer.

Except now Sirius is his queer mate naked in bed with his _other_ queer mate, and James looks like he might pass out.

“Is—what—are you—?” James’s eyes dart back and forth between their faces, like he’s not sure who or what he’s really asking.

“Did you—are you…you know…?”

***

“Merlin, Moons, fuck me.” The words slipped out by accident on the heat of their tangled bodies.

New Year’s Eve at the muggle pub with James and his parents had been euphoric and torturous. He’d never seen Mrs. Potter drink more than a glass of wine with dinner, but once Mr. Potter teased her into her second pint (“Come on Euph, the boys aren’t _boys_ anymore, and I haven’t seen you dance in ages”) she was giggling and twirling around the floor. First with Mr. Potter, but then a laughing James and a blushing Remus, whom Sirius was delighted to discover was an appalling dancer.

As midnight drew nearer and the crowd grew more raucous around them he’d been able to slide his hand around Remus’s hips under the guise of drunken affection (even though they themselves had snuck less than a pint each), grinning at the way Remus jerked in surprise. After that they’d devolved into increasingly brazen brushes of fingers beneath waistbands and lips whispering into necks when James was looking the other way, so that by the time they all ambled home long after midnight he was half hard and so desperate to rip Remus’s clothes off he’d contemplated doing it right there in the street. 

Remus stilled on top of him now, his heaving breath cooling the skin on Sirius’s neck he’d nipped between his teeth. He sat up a little, his eyes searching.

“Are you sure?” His lips were swollen from kissing, cheeks flushed pink beneath his scattering of freckles.

Sirius tucked a loose lock of hair behind his ear. They’d talked about it, of course, but in an _eventually, in some amorphous undefined future_ sort of way. Not the _I want your cock in me right this moment, I don’t care if we are in James’s parents’ house_ way Sirius was just realizing he meant.

Remus watched him, eyes brimming with passion and hesitation. Ready to pull back the second Sirius asked him to.

Sirius knew right then he was sure and nodded. He swallowed hard past the nerves tickling his throat and reached up to cup Remus’s jaw with his palm.

“I want this. I want you.”

Remus studied him for a moment, like he was checking for something, before his mouth teased into a nervous, eager smile. Lowering himself on top of Sirius again, he nosed at the sensitive skin behind his ear.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted you.”

Sirius shivered as Remus leaned away to the bedside table, returning with his wand. 

He muttered a silencing charm first (so careful, as always) before grinding his hips down and sliding his tongue into Sirius’s mouth to stifle his moan. Wand still in hand, he whispers a basic protection spell between long, desperate kisses, and finally a spell Sirius knew well from his more, er, _private_ moments. Hearing it from Remus’s lips made him twitch between their stomachs.

Remus sat up a little, dragging his newly-slicked fingers up Sirius’s thighs and along the curve of his arse to tease at his entrance. Sirius squirmed under his touch, heart pounding, skin crawling with jittery anticipation. Remus leaned down to brush their lips together just as he slid a finger in.

Sirius whimpered into his mouth, arching with the pressure. Pain mingled with a strange pleasure as he adjusted to the tight heat inside him. It felt different than when he’d tried to do it himself, so much more intense. Maybe Remus’s hands were bigger, or the angle— 

“Is this ok?”

Sirius opened his eyes to Remus’s face inches above his own, honey eyes intent on his every movement.

He nodded, his breathing ragged. He knew he’d never be able to put it into words and didn’t try. That it did hurt, a little, but under no circumstances did he want it to stop.

Remus withdrew his finger, almost to the tip, before another slow slide back in. Sirius groaned from the bliss of it, his eyes falling shut again.

Remus set a slow, determined rhythm, punctuating each slide in with kisses up his chest, his neck, his jaw, and Sirius couldn’t help the sounds slipping out of him. When on the next slide Remus slicked in a second finger he jolted off the mattress, feeling rather than hearing the whine that pierced his throat.

Remus picked up speed, plunging his tongue into Sirius’s mouth as he crooked his fingers up. Sirius jerked, a shock of pleasure pulsing through him like a spell. He clutched at Remus’s neck, back, shoulders, gasping and writhing beneath him. His prick was so hard and sensitive as it brushed between their stomachs that it almost hurt and he had no idea how he wasn’t coming, only that he needed _more_.

Remus brushed Sirius’s hair from his temple with his other hand.

“Are you ready?”

Sirius nodded through gasping breaths. “Merlin love, yes, _please_ —I—” But the rest of his words dissolved into a keening whimper as Remus’s fingers slid out of him.

Gentle hands slid beneath his thighs and he lifted his hips obediently, trembling as Remus settled between his legs. His stomach buzzed with nerves. This was it. Better than he’d dreamed it a thousand times because this was real.

Remus trailed kisses down the side of Sirius’s knee to the sensitive skin along his inner thigh and back up again, and then Sirius bucked at the feel of him slick and hard, nudging at his entrance.

He eased in slow and tight and it stung a little, but the pain was nothing next to the delirious heat of Remus filling him. Sirius pressed his head back into the pillow and clutched Remus to him, hands circled under his shoulders like wings.

Remus gasped as he bottomed out, and with some effort Sirius opened his eyes.

He’d never seen anything more stunning than Remus on top of him, eyes fallen shut, lips red and parted, panting each labored breath. Lips brushed his skin as Remus tucked his face into the crook of his neck, and Sirius drug a hand up to tangle in his sandy curls. 

“ _Fuck_ , Pads,” he breathed. Sirius’s chest swelled at the sound, rough and desperate against his skin.

“Remus,” he groaned back. He wanted. He _needed._ More, more, _more_.

And like the sound of Sirius moaning his name ignited him, Remus pulled out and plunged back in, punching another groan from them both. Then again, and again, gathering speed until he set a steady rhythm and reduced Sirius to a mess of unintelligible syllables moaned alongside his name.

Sirius wrapped his legs up around Remus’s waist, bringing them even closer. The slight change of angle hit the same salacious spot Remus’s fingers had found and Sirius arched up into him as waves of pleasure rocked through him, all but screaming his ecstasy.

Remus groaned in response; a low carnal sound Sirius hoped he would never forget. Remus’s stomach brushed his oversensitive cock again and again, and his hips jerked up to meet him.

“Re— _please_ —I need—”

“Shh…” Remus panted, pulling back a little to grin down at him. “I’ve got you, baby.”

Sirius felt him slide a hand between them. He was still processing the flip in his stomach at Remus calling him _baby_ when Remus wrapped it firm and warm around his cock and his vision scattered into static. Sirius fucked up into his hand, arching as another loud moan ripped from him. Remus thrust in and held there, grinding his hips in time with the pull of his fist. Sirius barely made it three strokes before his orgasm crashed over him in trembling waves.

Remus’s muscles drew taught as he shuddered on top of him, grasping at Sirius’s hair with his free hand and biting his shoulder to muffle the broken cry that cracked in the back of his throat as he came. Sirius whined as the heat of it filled him and clasped Remus to him even tighter, rubbing the back of his neck as he rode it out.

He didn’t know how long the only sound in the room was their joined, panted breathing.

“Fuck,” Remus sighed into his shoulder. Sirius could feel him smile against his skin.

“Fuck,” he agreed, grinning, and let Remus pull him into an intoxicated, giggling kiss.

Remus’s lips trailed down his neck as he pulled out, dragging sated moans from them both.

Sirius sat up a little to watch, but the sight of Remus sliding out of him still half-hard and slicked with cum was too much. He collapsed back onto the bed, listening as Remus fumbled for his wand to mumble a quick cleaning spell over them both.

“Fuck,” Sirius said again to the ceiling. He didn’t know how long before his bliss-drunk brain would be up to forming more complex thoughts. 

Remus slid back down beside him, and Sirius turned so they laid face-to-face, throwing a leg over his hip.

He tucked a loose strand of hair back behind Sirius’s ear, his eyes huge and warm in the dark.

“How do you feel?”

Sirius opened his mouth to answer and instead drew a shaky breath. He blinked against the warmth prickling his eyes, swallowing hard. He was not a crier. And he was so hysterically happy—he never thought he’d ever get to be here, in this amazing boy’s arms—so why was he falling apart? The words to tell him were right there, just out of reach, too big to force past the emotions clogging his throat.

Sirius watched realization dawn over his face and closed his eyes as Remus leaned in to nuzzle their noses together.

“Baby,” he breathed, and his voice was so soft and warm and full of love that the new nickname broke him. Sirius sniffed hard and blinked, ducking his face into Remus’s shoulder. He let himself be wrapped in strong arms and held tight against his chest, a hand rubbing gentle and sweet in slow drags up and down his back.

“Me too,” Remus whispered with a kiss to his temple. “For a long, long time.”

***

“So were you ever planning on telling me or Pete that you’ve been screwing around behind our backs doing Merlin-knows-what for—Merlin, how long exactly?” James throws a hand in the air that lands to tangle in his already disastrous hair.

Sirius licks his lips and looks down at his hands laying useless in his lap, shame bubbling hot under his skin. He wants to answer, tell James they shouldn’t have snuck around. That he was scared, _is_ scared, but the words crumble behind the anxious press in his chest because _what if what if what if?_

“We’re not just screwing around.” Remus’s voice shakes a little, but it still comes out like an accusation, so commanding and unfamiliar Sirius can’t do anything but stare.

“Well you’ll forgive me for assuming, seeing as how you’re naked _in the same bed_ —”

Remus bites his lip, and a murderous heat flares in Sirius’s chest. He almost whips the covers off and strides right over into James’s face, naked or not, before he feels Remus sit up straighter.

“We’re fucking,” he snaps. “That clear it up for you?” His brows are drawn, jaw jutted in challenge—Sirius barely recognizes him. It’s bloody gorgeous.

James’s mouth falls open, eyebrows raised up under his bangs.

“But we’re not just fucking off behind your back. I love him, you idiot.”

And it’s like the room zooms out and zips back into focus. Sirius whips to look at Remus, and it’s not the time or the place but he can’t stop the bewildered grin breaking across his face. Remus’s cheeks smolder but he doesn’t take it back. He looks down at his lap for a second, then back up at Sirius, and he shrugs, the corners of his mouth turning up.

Sirius’s chest swells with a warm weightlessness. Remus loves him. He knew that, felt it in the way Remus held him last night until he drifted off, whispering sweet, soothing words in his ear. But it’s a whole different thing hearing it said out loud. He doesn’t know how he keeps from tackling him back down into the covers to kiss him senseless right then and there. 

“I like blokes,” he says instead, turning back to James. He finds Remus’s hand under the blankets and squeezes it. “I have for basically my whole life. And I’ve had plenty of meaningless hookups, but that’s not what this is.”

James sits down hard on Remus’s still-made cot, hands on his head. The springs groan beneath him.

“But why—” he stammers before managing, “How long have you been—?”

“Since the end of last term,” Remus supplies, before hearing what he’s said and somehow flushing even redder. “I mean, that’s when we, you know, realized. The other is…more recent.” He looks like he wants to dissolve into the mattress, and Sirius could not love this awkward mess of a boy more if he tried. 

“Look mate, we should have told you sooner. _I_ should have told you sooner. And I’m sorry this is how you found out.” He squeezes Remus’s hand again and turns from James to look into his eyes.

“But this is real. I love him, and I’m glad you know.” Sirius doesn’t realize how true the words are until he’s said them. Until he watches the pure, elated smile that breaks across Remus’s face. Relief washes through him, clean and cool. He loves Remus. Hopefully James will be okay with that, but even if he’s not, nothing else much matters.

James is quiet for a long time, so long that Sirius’s gut clenches a little, bracing for rejection.

James finally lets out his breath in a long low whistle, elbows propped on his knees.

“Merlin, boys.” He scratches his head. “I wish you’d just told me. I would’ve bloody knocked.”

Sirius can’t stop the laugh that bursts out of him. He throws an arm around Remus’s shoulders and pulls him close, so delirious with happiness the neighbors might well be able to hear him next door.

James blushes and runs a hand over his face as he turns to stare at the dresser.

“It’s going to take some getting used to,” he says. “But if this is what you really want, you don’t have to hide it from me.”

“Thanks, mate.” Sirius beams at him, swallowing against tears prickling his throat for the second time in twelve hours. “Really.”

James shrugs, still not quite looking at them.

“Won’t be that different, to be honest. You’ve been all over each other for years as it is. At least now I know why.”

Remus snorts next to him, pressing his forehead to Sirius’s shoulder to muffle his laughter, and Sirius squeezes him close. 

“I guess this means we’ll have to tell Peter.”

“That marmy bastard? He can wait until after the holiday,” James says, flopping back onto Remus’s unused pillow.

Sirius huffs but stops laughing when he sees Remus biting his lip.

“You don’t think he’ll—?” Remus stops short, like he can’t quite make himself say it. Sirius feels him lace their fingers back together under the covers and squeezes in reply. It’s a reasonable concern; Peter’s family isn’t like the Potters.

Sirius loves Peter like a brother, but he’ll pummel him worse than the Whomping Willow if he makes Remus feel insecure about this when it’s so, so good. 

James sits up on his elbows. “What? No. He bet me three galleons this would happen like two years ago. I’m never going to hear the end of it now and it’s all your fault.”

Sirius throws his head back in a snorty, juvenile laugh, pulling Remus down with him. James tosses a pillow at his head, followed by a pair of discarded trousers.

“Get dressed you bloody poofs. If Mum sees you, she’ll definitely make Remus sleep in my room, and I’m _not_ listening to you sneaking in and shagging the rest of the week.”

**Author's Note:**

> Because Sirius just needs love. All the love. And I firmly believe Remus is an animal in bed, and even though he's shy he'll for sure step up to defend his boy. <3


End file.
